he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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