her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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