please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
