No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
