I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize