Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
