No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
