My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He kissed a someone with a penis
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Randomize
