hotel room ftw
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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