so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
