that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize