dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
