Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
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