A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
