Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
These tits shall not be calmed
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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