dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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