you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
