I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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