does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
