Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
