I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
