I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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