My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
