I'm jealous of your bromance
from now on my penis is your penis
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
