i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Randomize
