I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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