8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
