From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
