Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
