I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
