This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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