brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
