3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
