Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
