I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
