East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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