I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize