No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
