so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
