I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
