he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
