margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
