she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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