omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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