Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize