I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
