i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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