ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
