never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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