He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize