I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
