And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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