where am i from again
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
