so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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