proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
