My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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