i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize