Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
