Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I will pee on everything he values.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
