Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
