These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
