I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
