marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
