It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
