dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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