I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
