The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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