shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
