Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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