the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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