You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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