I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
