i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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