genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize