I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
