Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
