yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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