Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
