i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
