put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Enjoy the penises
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
