Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
