Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
