I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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