you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
