Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
