I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
