There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
