im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
