So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Come share oat with me in your robe
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
