He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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