I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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