I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
