My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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