So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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