I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
