I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
