All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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