someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
