What tipped you off? The sombrero?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
