Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
