If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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