this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm like, not good at living.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
