I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
