apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
