I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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