Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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