So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
