I met the friendliest cop last night
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize