i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
