In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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