Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
