didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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