Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm having to shit out rocks
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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