1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
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