You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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