I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
