U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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