well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
