I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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